My Story
PROLOGUE
It’s weird. I used to think I needed to tell my story. I don’t know why. But I think in part it was that I felt proud and I needed to be heard and understood. (And partly because I also thought I had to…)
Beyond all other, I think we tell our stories because we crave to be heard and understood. (Possibly the most underrated human need).
So, here is a piece of my story. Not only to be heard and understood, but to hopefully inspire you in understanding that in a world of constant noise, pressure and disconnection, it is possible to restore balance and harmony with the ancient tools of the east (even in this crazy modern world).
Thanks for tuning in :)
SPIRITUAL HEALTH AND MENTAL HEALTH ARE SO CLOSELY RELATED.
Even though my grandparents were church-goers, my parents definitely were not. I was not raised in a home that offerred guidance on spiritual awareness or religion.
-We were however raised bushwalking, camping in nature and swimming in rivers.
Nature was my church.
My family used to call me jungle jill when I was young because I would stomp through the forest with full abandonment and joy.
-Sweet, innocent and curious of all of to explore in the world. In flow and deeply connected to the source of creation.
I was always spiritually inclined. I always felt a yearning for something deeper. A bigger picture.
-Day-dreaming about being a fairy in my teens; to seeing branches growing from my body on LSD in my 20’s; and moving to India to live in an ashram in my 30s, I’ve tried a few things on.
My ancestors are pagan. A tradition I intuitively reconnected wihen I was 15 years old.
-I was no doubt one of those burnt at the stake in another life with unfinished business.
Buddhism lead to Mindfulness
Moved so deeply by the music and devotion for the Free Tibet concerts in the late 90s, my interest in Buddhism and the Dalai Lama began in my teens. Further established in my 20s, Buddhism was also the gateway to mindfulness and zen in my 30s.
-Through which time, psychotherapy was useful too.
NB - There have been times when mindfulness is not helpful to me. When I am running around with racey thoughts and teetering on the tendency for anxiousness, mindfulness is more helpful to avoid anxiety rather than to treat it (for me).
Depression resulted for me due to disconnection
By age 30, I was deeply depressed and completely lacking a spiritual connection. I’d made a few decisions that felt misaligned with my deeper self.
-I felt so disconnected from anything with meaning: a feeling of deep despair, so heavy that I felt like I was in a hole I had to get out of (or a bit like a spiral).
I took the pharmaceutical route for a few years.
Anxiety and depression made it pretty hard to function in the life I was trying to lead. Pharmaceuticals saved my butt to enable me to navigate changes with a some what stable base.
-A whirlwind of changes for me involved my home, relationship, work. All the big things. All at once! Ha!
-I’m glad I can laugh about it now!I
Mum introduced me to Yoga in my teens.
But I returned to Yoga in my 30’s when I decided to go the natural route to overcome the then long term mental health challenges (depression was the hardest).
Ayurveda was easy to access a yogi, and has played a huge role in my recovery to with the emphasis on gut health and sense of balance (in all things).
While a work in progress, now in my mid 40’s I’ve returned to the whole-heartedly deep connection I was yearning for as a young woman and revelling in as Jungle Jill.
With far less formality than has been the case in recent years,
My spiritual practice now involves:
candles and warm massage oil and bath at night;
Honour my body as a temple and speak loving, kind and aspirational words to myself in the morning (after a little bit of movement, breathwork and silence);
deep presence with my son - an incredible reminder of pure love;
walking as much as possible in nature;
taking mental health days when I need them (guilt-free);
speaking my timely truth (work in progress); and
trusting I have grace inside me
trust that I can do hard things
trusting I can call on my intuition to guide me
trusting and surrender to all that I am ready to take that will find me as and when I need it.
MY JOURNEY TO THERAPEUTIC YOGA
For a long time I knew Yoga was having a profound effect on my mental health. And yet I couldn’t explain exactly why that was other than I felt stronger, brighter, more connected to my deeper self and woke feeling full and content with who I was. (A stark contrast to the dark depression referred earlier).
Over the last decade I have set about a journey to discover what it is about Yoga (and in time, Ayurveda) that has come to be my foremost tool in recovery of mental health challenges. Here’s what I found and how I found it.
Remedial Yoga
In my early teaching career, I was mentored by the most incredible teachers (Alli Black, Maria Kirsten and Bec Isaacs) in offering Remedial Yoga, which is a style that adapts traditional practices to make them accessible and beneficial for those with physical or emotional needs.
Thank you so much to the beautiful women that shaped my entry into this first glance at creating a uniquely tailored embodied experience for myself and my students.
Tantric Hatha Yoga
Adapting the practice to unique needs became a keen interest and lead me to Tantric Hatha Yoga: a traditional form of Yoga that paves a way to freedom and expansion using both the systems defined by Patanjali and the science of Ayurveda.
Through diligently following the steps and methods for many years, these practices have changed my life in bringing forward that which needs to be healed in order to create space for freedom and expansion to occur (for the science nerds: using Chakra theory and subtle body maps e.g. the Vauys).
And yet, (as my teacher Karina would say,) these are not a one-and-done type of practice. But rather an ongoing peeling back of the layers as they come up to enable the ever changing present moment realisation beyond the stuff of the mind.
Ayurvedic Yoga
Upon realising that Yoga involved healing in order to expand, thank goodness I found the Vedic healing science of Ayurveda (thanks to my colleague and teacher Sarah). Ayurvedic practices apply to matters off the Yoga mat and yet weave the principles of Yoga into eating, sleeping, exercise and interactions with the world (for the science nerds: using the theory of the Doshas, Gunas and Vedic psychology).
Ayurvedic Yoga is the original Yoga Therapy with emphasis on practices unique to individual dosha (state of balance) and guna (mental constitution).
Therapeutic Yoga for Mental Health
While it may be obvious that practices informed by Remedial Yoga, Tantric Hatha Yoga and Ayurvedic Yoga are of high integrity and capacity for a therapeutic approach, I have also been drawn to understanding contemporary approaches to Yoga therapy that take into account physiology, neuroscience, psychology and trauma awareness.
ON SPREADING THE SEEDS
In a world of constant noise, pressure and disconnection, I believe everyone should have access to simple, natural practices that restore balance and harmony.
Here’s my philosophy in oferring these practices:
Yoga and Ayurveda are sciences that weave together to provide a system for creating balance and harmony (sama).
When balance and harmony are restored, an inner reservoir of healing and expansion beyond our wildest dreams is available to us.
Physical, mental/emotional and spiritual wellbeing are all linked and related. You can not have one without the other.
We are all subject to circumstances and occurrences from our past that have an in-print on us.
In the Vedic tradition, this is known as Samskara and impacts all of the layers of the self: physical, mental/emotion and spiritual.
Contemporary science supports the concept of internalising past experiences with rich evidence supporting the theory that “the body keeps score” (Bessel van der Kolk).
The body is a gateway to access tension and compensations made as a result of the Samskra (in-prints from the past).
Hence the practices leverage the map of in-body healing needs offered through the theory of the Chakras.
Targeted Yoga asana and pranayama (incorporating bandha, mantra, mudra and other subtle body practices) is consistent with the contemporary theory of somatic therapy (body-based therapy to release the effect of trauma).
You and I are the same. Whatever I need, I know you do too.
Our joy and heartache. Our ups and downs. We are all travelling this very special time together. Connected.
Hence I only share practices that are authentic to me and that I know have impact on creating change.
And yet the way we need practices is different for each of us.
Hence facilitation using the Trauma Sensitive Yoga principles that enable Yoga as an inner enquiry rather than a prescription.
Ultimately, Yoga and Ayurveda allow us to come back to the inner resource of ease and magnificence: complete and void of anything missing (reference note appropriate to Sarah Ball)..
When reconnected to our true nature / when trusting and available to gods grace / when complete and whole again, we can make decisions from our higher self: intuitively guided without fear, worry or doubt. (Which leads us to expansion beyond our wildest dreams.)
IN CONCLUSION
I offer the wholistic time-tested practices of Yoga therapy in a way that is easy and accessible to empower body, mind/emotion and spirit wellbeing.
This is my offering in this lifetime. My way of picking up where my past Witch self left off: facilitating journeys back to the heart in order to connect with the grace of god that runs through our veins and enables incredible light, love and life force for a magnificently meaningful life.
Thank you for being here with me on this journey where we embrace and appreciate the messy nature of being human as sacred and divine.
